Today marks my 32nd anniversary of having diabetes. Ok, not today exactly. We just know it was within this week. I haven’t written in this blog for years. In fact, I had forgotten about it for a while until today creeped up one me.
I remember (reverence , celebrate, honor, whatever word I can use them all) this day every yr. This week changed my life for forever. It changed how I looked at and lived my life. Not all for the worse I might add. I have, ever since I’ve been diagnosed viewed death very differently than a lot of my peers. It has been more present and pressing for me. Not as shocking have you. In the past yr I have lost over 150 pounds (more on that another time), and I have gained an even newer zeal and lease on life. I have started realizing that I want and need to take in every moment possible and live life to the fullest. You never know how long you have, diabetic or not. Here’s to anyone out there—-join me on this journey we call life and let’s try and make it the best life possible!
Wednesday, July 25, 2018
Friday, February 13, 2015
To the non diabetic
I want this shirt...
Sometimes I get tired of ignorance and having to explain things to people. Sometimes I think it would be easier to just hand someone a pamphlet on the spot as they are looking at what you are doing and telling you what you can or cannot do. I rarely listen anymore, unless it is a fellow diabetic cause I don't think people get it. Now just going around wearing this shirt all the time makes me smile, and laugh. I will talk with you about my diabetes, so the BACK OFF isn't aimed at the need to communicate. The BACK OFF is aimed at the "Don't tell me things you don't know. I live with the disease, it is on my mind 24/7, more than I could even begin to explain to you...so yeah, Back OFF. It may not look like I know what I am doing sometimes or even care, but I do, believe me I do."
Sometimes I get tired of ignorance and having to explain things to people. Sometimes I think it would be easier to just hand someone a pamphlet on the spot as they are looking at what you are doing and telling you what you can or cannot do. I rarely listen anymore, unless it is a fellow diabetic cause I don't think people get it. Now just going around wearing this shirt all the time makes me smile, and laugh. I will talk with you about my diabetes, so the BACK OFF isn't aimed at the need to communicate. The BACK OFF is aimed at the "Don't tell me things you don't know. I live with the disease, it is on my mind 24/7, more than I could even begin to explain to you...so yeah, Back OFF. It may not look like I know what I am doing sometimes or even care, but I do, believe me I do."
I never drink soda. It just was never my thing...I don't drink much other than water actually. For me, I found that counting the carbs for a piece of cake was easier than figuring out juices and soda. Plus, I just really never liked the taste. Juice reminded me of being low.
So, when I walk into a gas station the other day trying to get some cash and I get a Diet Coke and wait in line and the cashier says to me " you are diabetic?" To which I respond " what? Oh, my pump? Yeah I am diabetic." I get excited usually when people ask cause then it makes me think they might know a thing or two or might be diabetic themselves.
She then said "You know, you really shouldn't be having soda as a diabetic."
I ALMOST DIED AND ALMOST HIT HER RIGHT THERE!
I then said, as if I even had to explain it to her "Well, it's diet and I don't even have to bolus for it." She then replied "Well, it's your life, my mom has diabetes and complications and I just worry."
I was not angry, I was sad. Sad that her mom has complications. Sad that she thought that me having a DIET soda for the first time in a year would ruin my life. Sad that others thought this same thing. Sad that it made me realize once again how much people really don't get diabetes, even the ones closest to you sometimes.
It is always at the forefront of my mind. It will never go away. I wake up in the night to pee and test my blood. I have to always do extra packing and thinking before going on a trip to make sure I am prepared (bag trip, just taking kids to the zoo). Yes I ate a cookie last night. Yes it looked to others like I didn't think twice about it but the entire time I was doing a mental calculation of the carbs in my head, and bolusing for it, and even later I was rethinking if I was right. I always worry about complications, but I don't always want to discuss it with you. Believe me, I am aware. The complications of diabetes have been shoved down my face since I was 7. I appreciate your concern which is why I am not Mad but sad.
And also why I am now going to purchase what might be my new favorite shirt.....and why I am going to try more than ever to update this blog if not for anyone but myself so I can feel like I put it out there and opened up some kind of communication even if its just with those closest to me so you can see into my world and understand just a little bit more...
Wednesday, February 11, 2015
Return to Blog World
I have decided to slowly return back to the world of diabetic blogging. Here I am, several years and 2 kids more (4 total) later and lots to say.
What spurred my return was the need to reach out to my diabetic community once again. I recently reconnected with an old friend on FB who is also another T1. It's been years since we have had any contact but the first thing we both said to each other was "diabetes sucks".
A lot has happened over the past few years (how could it not?) and I have had a few complications arise. I hope to catch myself up in some posts and possibly help myself get some more clarity with my diabetes along the way.
For now I will say I have a very long way to go yet. Diabetes is exhausting and at times I have felt almost beaten down by it. I hope I can beat it one day.
These are my 4 miracles (and I don't say miracles lightly--- I believe every child is a miracle, but having 4 with T1 is just one step more) that get me motivated every day.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Who has Diabetes? You too? Let's be friends....
People in my life can attest that I don't like being alone. HATE IT! Especially when it comes to the trials in my life. Since this is my DIABETIC BLOG, I guess I will be referring to that particular trial in my life.
I am not exactly sure why, but when I hear that someone has diabetes, I am, at first, very saddened for them, and second, so glad I have found a new friend who can relate to what I am going through.
This is such the case that you can be a complete stranger to me, and I hear, somehow, that you have diabetes, and we immediately become best friends! It is that instantaneous (is that even a word?)!
I have tried to figure out exactly why you can form a bond with someone with only that in common so quickly. I am not sure there is an explanation, only that sometimes it can be so much a part of everything you do in life, that in some ways, it feels like only someone with diabetes can truly understand how your life can work.
Maybe this is the reason I have related so much better to doctors and nurses in my life who either have diabetes or are connected to someone personally who has it. I want to say "you don't understand", yet, I cant use that line on someone who actually does!
This post is for all my diabetic friends out there who have helped me get over myself and concentrate on what is really important, but have also been there for me to complain to when I feel like it just isn't fair! YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!! DIABETICS UNITE!
I am not exactly sure why, but when I hear that someone has diabetes, I am, at first, very saddened for them, and second, so glad I have found a new friend who can relate to what I am going through.
This is such the case that you can be a complete stranger to me, and I hear, somehow, that you have diabetes, and we immediately become best friends! It is that instantaneous (is that even a word?)!
I have tried to figure out exactly why you can form a bond with someone with only that in common so quickly. I am not sure there is an explanation, only that sometimes it can be so much a part of everything you do in life, that in some ways, it feels like only someone with diabetes can truly understand how your life can work.
Maybe this is the reason I have related so much better to doctors and nurses in my life who either have diabetes or are connected to someone personally who has it. I want to say "you don't understand", yet, I cant use that line on someone who actually does!
This post is for all my diabetic friends out there who have helped me get over myself and concentrate on what is really important, but have also been there for me to complain to when I feel like it just isn't fair! YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!! DIABETICS UNITE!
Friday, February 18, 2011
I really can eat that!
This post is for my dad, and he probably won't ever read it!!
My dad was the person that helped me with my diabetes throughout my life. He was the one who knew what I could and couldn't eat, and pushed me, and pushed me hard to remain in control ( that was difficult during my teenage years, other kids rebelled with drugs, and alcohol, I rebelled with my diabetes).
Back in the day when I first was diagnosed with diabetes, things were different. It use to take me 3 minutes to test my blood sugar...and it was a whole process of wiping, blotting, and rewiping. I use to have to do 5 or so shots a day, and was on an "exchange system."
Boy, those were definitely the days! Now, it takes 5 seconds to test my blood, and they have these amazing things called pump to help deliver your insulin ( still get blown away by how awesome that is).
And with that, they have learned how to help diabetics count carbs. This is amazing, and incredible! What it means, basically, is that diabetics can eat pretty much how everyone else can! TRULY, they can....it just takes a bit more math and calculating.
When I say that, I should emphasize that ALL of us shouldn't be having ten candy bars a day, and 15 pizzas. We all should be making healthy choices, no matter what our situation, but it is NOT the END OF THE WORLD if we want a piece of pie, as long as it is in moderation and figured out.
The reason why this entire post is dedicated to my daddy is that for my entire life, he helped me, watched me, made me eat right. HE was really strict with me....
HE was diagnosed about a year ago with type 2 diabetes, and well, it has opened his eyes. He now understands how frustrating it is for people to judge your every move and every little thing you CONSIDER eating! He has learned with me that if I do know the carbs and the ratios, I can have some sweets every now and then...
It is just one of my big pet peeves ( as posted in other of my posts) that people don't think diabetics can have anything but salad . So, I just wanted to write this post to get it out there. We are all more alike than you think...trust me. I have had diabetes for almost 25 years, and have been in good control. Don't get me wrong, I have by no means been perfect and have had some serious struggles ( having a child and gaining 65 pounds in the process, and being in the ICU--- being one of them---another post for a different day)...I have been there, I just wanted to vent about food today. The truth is, I have not had anything sweet for a really long time ( been trying really hard), and today is one of those days where I need something sweet.
So, quit judging my eating this candy bar today, and realize that it just might be ok.....
My dad was the person that helped me with my diabetes throughout my life. He was the one who knew what I could and couldn't eat, and pushed me, and pushed me hard to remain in control ( that was difficult during my teenage years, other kids rebelled with drugs, and alcohol, I rebelled with my diabetes).
Back in the day when I first was diagnosed with diabetes, things were different. It use to take me 3 minutes to test my blood sugar...and it was a whole process of wiping, blotting, and rewiping. I use to have to do 5 or so shots a day, and was on an "exchange system."
Boy, those were definitely the days! Now, it takes 5 seconds to test my blood, and they have these amazing things called pump to help deliver your insulin ( still get blown away by how awesome that is).
And with that, they have learned how to help diabetics count carbs. This is amazing, and incredible! What it means, basically, is that diabetics can eat pretty much how everyone else can! TRULY, they can....it just takes a bit more math and calculating.
When I say that, I should emphasize that ALL of us shouldn't be having ten candy bars a day, and 15 pizzas. We all should be making healthy choices, no matter what our situation, but it is NOT the END OF THE WORLD if we want a piece of pie, as long as it is in moderation and figured out.
The reason why this entire post is dedicated to my daddy is that for my entire life, he helped me, watched me, made me eat right. HE was really strict with me....
HE was diagnosed about a year ago with type 2 diabetes, and well, it has opened his eyes. He now understands how frustrating it is for people to judge your every move and every little thing you CONSIDER eating! He has learned with me that if I do know the carbs and the ratios, I can have some sweets every now and then...
It is just one of my big pet peeves ( as posted in other of my posts) that people don't think diabetics can have anything but salad . So, I just wanted to write this post to get it out there. We are all more alike than you think...trust me. I have had diabetes for almost 25 years, and have been in good control. Don't get me wrong, I have by no means been perfect and have had some serious struggles ( having a child and gaining 65 pounds in the process, and being in the ICU--- being one of them---another post for a different day)...I have been there, I just wanted to vent about food today. The truth is, I have not had anything sweet for a really long time ( been trying really hard), and today is one of those days where I need something sweet.
So, quit judging my eating this candy bar today, and realize that it just might be ok.....
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
I just need insulin
So we moved in July...And moving from a different state means you need new doctors (and pretty soon if you have diabetes).
I already complained about this earlier. IT took us a LONG time to get some health insurance...which means no seeing doctors for a LONG time...
We finally get on medicaid ( yeah, if you are on medicaid, you can only imagine how hard it is to pay for supplies), and in order to see the doc, it takes you waiting at least 4 hours to be seen. I don't know about you, but I don't have that kind of time.
Not only am I busy with keeping my kiddos in order, I am almost out of insulin. ( I couldn't go to the doc for months). We are talking I am TYPE 1 diabetic, with an insulin pump. If my pump accidentally turns off for an hour, I can almost end up in a hospital.
This is bad, very bad. I am not someone who can just control by diet and exercise ( that is not how type one is). Not having insulin isn't something you just"deal with"...IT is dire, it is absolutely necessary, and going with out doesn't just make you feel a little sick, it could kill...and just after a few hours.
So, why then, oh why, do they make it so hard to get? Why do I have to go through so many hoops? I have been insulin dependant diabetic for almost 30 years!! Moving doesn't change anything ( except insurance). I am still me, and still need all my meds. What worked for me in one state, will work for me in another ( medicine wise--unless of course everyone in the state is an idiot and doesn't get the necessity of insulin).
Please someone, I JUST NEED MY INSULIN!
I already complained about this earlier. IT took us a LONG time to get some health insurance...which means no seeing doctors for a LONG time...
We finally get on medicaid ( yeah, if you are on medicaid, you can only imagine how hard it is to pay for supplies), and in order to see the doc, it takes you waiting at least 4 hours to be seen. I don't know about you, but I don't have that kind of time.
Not only am I busy with keeping my kiddos in order, I am almost out of insulin. ( I couldn't go to the doc for months). We are talking I am TYPE 1 diabetic, with an insulin pump. If my pump accidentally turns off for an hour, I can almost end up in a hospital.
This is bad, very bad. I am not someone who can just control by diet and exercise ( that is not how type one is). Not having insulin isn't something you just"deal with"...IT is dire, it is absolutely necessary, and going with out doesn't just make you feel a little sick, it could kill...and just after a few hours.
So, why then, oh why, do they make it so hard to get? Why do I have to go through so many hoops? I have been insulin dependant diabetic for almost 30 years!! Moving doesn't change anything ( except insurance). I am still me, and still need all my meds. What worked for me in one state, will work for me in another ( medicine wise--unless of course everyone in the state is an idiot and doesn't get the necessity of insulin).
Please someone, I JUST NEED MY INSULIN!
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Doctors and Diabetes
Doctors are ok. I mean, they are "trained" at what they are suppose to be doing. Heck, my husband is in medical school right now to be a doctor. Half of my extended family are doctors....
That, however, does not mean that doctors know everything. Ever since I was a young child with diabetes, I have always connected with the doctors who related to me, tried to understand me and not just tell me what to do. The people I listened to the most were people who had diabetes, cause I felt like they really knew about daily struggles and trials, and weren't just going by what they read in a book.
I once had a doctor tell me "you know your body better than me" (true)----"so you know what is best for it." I agree with this guy. So now, why I am in limbo in New Orleans with NO PLACE to live at the moment, and working on health insurance, do I need a to go see a doctor three times before he will write me a prescription ? ( I am not saying this isn't how it should be, I am just frustrated). I am running low on supplies ( yes, I could have planned better, but I wouldn't be living with my two gals out of a hotel if I could have planned better) and need them soon---very very soon in fact. I have been on the same meds for years so I know exactly what I need. Why can't you just trust me doc? If you don't it might be even worse since I won't have any insulin, then have that one on your conscious.
That, however, does not mean that doctors know everything. Ever since I was a young child with diabetes, I have always connected with the doctors who related to me, tried to understand me and not just tell me what to do. The people I listened to the most were people who had diabetes, cause I felt like they really knew about daily struggles and trials, and weren't just going by what they read in a book.
I once had a doctor tell me "you know your body better than me" (true)----"so you know what is best for it." I agree with this guy. So now, why I am in limbo in New Orleans with NO PLACE to live at the moment, and working on health insurance, do I need a to go see a doctor three times before he will write me a prescription ? ( I am not saying this isn't how it should be, I am just frustrated). I am running low on supplies ( yes, I could have planned better, but I wouldn't be living with my two gals out of a hotel if I could have planned better) and need them soon---very very soon in fact. I have been on the same meds for years so I know exactly what I need. Why can't you just trust me doc? If you don't it might be even worse since I won't have any insulin, then have that one on your conscious.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)