Can't I just have one NORMAL DAY?

 I can't believe that is the title of my post cause I hate that word NORMAL ( I think it is all relative).  But, anyway...Today I woke up and was feeling really really dizzy and confused.  Well, after 24 years of dealing with different types of feelings in the morning, I could chalk it up to either being sleep deprived, or more likely that my blood sugars were too low.  So, I tested my blood (gotta love technology allowing me to do it in 5 seconds...when I first got diabetes it was three minutes and a whole, swipe blood, put in and swipe again kind of thing--Another day story), and did find out, in fact, that I was 45. 

 --Let me just pause for a second to clear up the COMMON MISCONCEPTION that diabetics cannot get low blood sugars or ever eat any sugar at all!  For some reason this is one of my diabetic pet peeves (I have quite a few of those that will unravel throughout different posts, among them are people assuming I have type 2 diabetes, and also people thinking I don't take care of myself when they HAVE NO CLUE).  People with diabetes can in fact, and often have low blood sugars (I usually just say I am having a "reaction" and people know what I mean) .  And it isn't as simple as saying they don't have control of their diabetes (another pet peeve of mine--whenever your blood glucose isn't in the PERFECT range, people call you out of control or say you can't handle it---ANY diabetic will testify that sometimes the boxes we are suppose to be put in are hilarious--you will jump in and out of them on occasion and that doesn't mean anything is wrong with you).  When a diabetic does get low, they must eat something to rectify that and help them get back to the "normal" range--and yes, sometimes that MIGHT be some sugar if that is what is available--so GET OVER IT if you see a diabetic eating sugar.  YOU MIGHT NOT KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON!

 --Back to my morning--

 Enough experience of this has shown me that morning lows are the HARDEST for me the weirdest.  There is no medical description of why that might be, just my own thoughts (and no one knows your body better than yourself). 

 I think they are hard cause I am still sleepy.  Sometimes I have been low in the morning just coming out of a dream,and, like anyone, your brain is slow to determine it is awake sometimes...or even to realize you aren't in a dream.  These times my dreams have been so real it has been scary.  When this has happened, I truly have a hard time distinguishing what is real and what isn't (in the past I dreamt I had eight arms, and woke up low and really FELT my eight arms, no one could tell me they weren't there).

 Thankfully, in those really scary moment, I have had people around to help me.  Today was not one of those days in which someone else needed to help me. 

 I simply ran downstairs and found a granola bar to eat quickly (another thing that is hard about morning lows, as many people who have lived with me can attest is since you aren't thinking clearly, you just grab whatever you see--I have had friends come down in the morning and see every cupboard open and say "You got low this morning didn't you?"), and shove it in my mouth.

 All I want to do is go back to sleep and get even a few more minutes...But, I not only have to wait until my counts are normal, but once again---I hear the familiar "Mommy, Mommy."  Oh well, there is nothing more beautiful than that! One of these days I will write something other than what is happening in my mornings--I promise.

 Just today, with your morning starting wrong, already being tired, and waking up early ( I am one of the few blessed people who can wake up from being low---others don't tend to be as lucky as me--not sure why I can though, probably cause I really never sleep in the night), but to add I get wiped out from being low (and diabetes in general can just cause fatigue), and can be wiped out the rest of the day...I thought writing about it would help my day get better and start my day off better...So on to my day...

I really have to pee!!

 One of the constant needs/struggles of having diabetes is the urgency and frequency of needing to PEE (my mom would prefer me to say go WET, but I will stick to pee). There are many reason for this occurrence.  Not only do blood sugars affect this, but diabetics (especially women) tend to get more UTI's than the average woman and this also causes frequent urination (don't even get me started on being prego with diabetes (another frequent urination booster)--multiply what other women say about peeing by 5-another topic for another day)

 To be completely honest, I don't remember the last time IN MY LIFE (since having diabetes) that I have slept through the night ( and I have not had bad blood sugars my whole life).  This is just something that has become a part of my constant struggle.

 By struggle I not only mean that diabetes itself can make someone really tired (still trying to explain that one to my husband), but add to that not ever sleeping through the night...then you are really tired!

--MY NIGHT LAST NIGHT--
  Take, for example, my night last night. 

 I have a 3 year old and a 4 month old baby.  My baby is pretty good at sleeping for long periods of time.  My toddler will sleep, unless she hears that someone might be stirring then she wants to get up and join in the good times.

 Last night I went to bed late.  About 2 hours later, I really really had to pee---It was about 3 in the morning. So, I slither out of my bed and creep into our bathroom.  I test my blood to find everything ok, pee and go back to bed.

 I struggle getting back to sleep since I was concentrating so hard on being quiet that my mind is now racing...I eventually fall back asleep when another 3 hours pass and I have to pee again.  This time, I know the consequences of me getting out of bed.  My toddler will, in fact, hear me (I am certain) if I choose to pee and then my day will begin prematurely, rendering me completely exhausted (typical) for the day. 

 So, instead of risking it and getting out of bed, I sit in bed and hold it... I keep holding it.  An hour goes by and I can't take it anymore---I MUST PEE!  So, I do my ritual of sneaking out of bed and tiptoe to the bathroom...I test my  blood, I think I have made it when---"MOMMY. YOU AWAKE?"  Comes from the other room.

 Dangit--I almost made it!  Until tomorrow---maybe we can just meet at the bathroom in the morning...

Doctor says I am "SWEET."

 How it all began---

 --I was 6 years old and I will never forget--That was the year that changed my life forever!  I have type 1 diabetes, and here is my story....

                                                                      --Pre-Diagnosis--
 --I started out living a pretty normal life like any other child...Nothing to worry about, and I could do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted (as long as my parents thought it was ok of course), and EAT what I WANTED! 

 One summer day, I came down with some form of the flu.  I was in bed being sick for a week.  After my little "spout" it felt like my body was different.  I was so hungry, so very very hungry all the time...People would watch me eat and say I sure ate alot for a 6 year old, rivaling my dad who was a BIG EATER (he now has type 2 diabetes).

 My mom was so upset because I was ALWAYS using the bathroom, it seemed like that was all I ever was doing really.  I barely slept cause I was using the bathroom ALL night long.  I almost got afraid to tell people when I had to go, cause I knew they were talking about it.

 I never noticed this one myself, but my mother relates to me that everyone said I was very thin--especially for a girl who ate so much, it seemed like I was losing weight.  My mom didn't seem to notice and chalked it up to good metabolism (if only).

  It was nearing the end of July and my family wanted to  hike Mt. Timpanogas with all of our relatives.  I remember being very very very thirsty and very very very tired.  I didn't understand why I couldn't really keep up with all of the other kids.

                      --Deciding there was a problem & diagnosis---
   most of this is from my mom's perspective of what she told me, but I will relate m own vivid memories

 My Aunt was a nurse and pulled my mom aside and told her I looked sickly and bad and needed to be checked out!  My mom didn't really want to think that anything was wrong with her daughter, but thought that at least she could take me in to my dad's lab (my dad is a medical technologist and did a LOT of blood work). 

 All I remember is my daddy drew my blood because they thought I was sick ...I had no clue what was going on, just did what I was told.

 I remember it was the middle of the day and I was in the bathtub getting clean and ready for a parade my mom had promised me, when I heard the phone ring.  I don't know what happened, but I heard my mom scream and yell "get Jamie out of the bathtub."

 From this point, I just remember being yanked out of the tub, hearing a prayer or two and being whisked in a car (later on in life I learn that my dad had called my mom and said to rush me to the hospital since my blood glucose level was 755).

 Everything was a rush of a blur for me from that point.  There just seemed like so much was happening and so many people around me and I didn't understand what was going on.  The next thing I remember was a doctor coming in and telling me that I had something called DIE---A- BEEE--Tees!

 All I heard was the word DIE!  I was really confused.  Am I going to die?  The next thing I know I am being put in a hospital gown, hooked up to some machine.  Later, who knows how long, I remember they say I can eat and they will bring me some food.  It just happened to be FISH.  I was thinking " Fish is not my favorite food, and that's what they are giving me to eat as my last meal ( I really did think this and to this day I won't eat FISH).

 I stayed in the hospital for a week being trained on how much my life was going to change.  Being taught to test my blood, recognize when I had low blood sugars, and that I was just going to live a completely different life from now on.  Told over and over again that I was still me and nothing had changed, I just had to be responsible.


                            --Moving on....Why I am starting this blog--

That was a week before my 7th birthday.  I am now 2 months from my 31st birthday.  I am married and I have 2 children and would love to have some more.  That day 24 years ago truly changed my life forever.  There have been times where I have let diabetes control my life and get me down, and other times where I truly have seen a blessing in disguise.

 Living with diabetes has not been easy, not at all...It also has not been that horrible.  It just is a life adjustment, a change, and alot of love, patience and understanding from me and from those who encircle my life.  There have been many trial and errors along this path.

 The truth is, like any life threatening disease ( and I am not even going to pretend that this is the hardest thing anyone can have and there aren't far worse things out there, there are plenty!), it cannot be ignored and changes how you run your day and your life.  It makes you view things differently.

 I have learned that there is a LOT of life to live.  One thing that inspired me as a child was finding a fellow diabetic who had five children of her own.  It gave me hope that diabetes wouldn't stop me from living my dreams and getting all my desires (yes, I may have to work a little harder for them and go about them in a different way, but I can still do it).

 That is how I started this blog...I want to use it as an outlet mainly for myself, and hopefully for some others to show how to get what I want out of life with diabetes, and maybe not only give myself a pat on the back and a boost, but hopefully another as well.

 I might do some venting of my own as I start on this adventure, but that is part of the personality of this blog.  Get out of the system.  I invite you to read along with me, and comment openly with ANY words of encouragement, suggestions, or anything someone has to offer!