Doctors and Diabetes

 Doctors are ok.  I mean, they are "trained" at what they are suppose to be doing.  Heck, my husband is in medical school right now to be a doctor.  Half of my extended family are doctors....

 That, however, does not mean that doctors know everything.  Ever since I was a young child with diabetes, I have always connected with the doctors who related to me, tried to understand me and not just tell me what to do.  The people I listened to the most were people who had diabetes, cause I felt like they really knew about daily struggles and trials, and weren't just going by what they read in a book.

 I once had a doctor tell me "you know your body better than me" (true)----"so you know what is best for it."  I agree with this guy.  So now, why I am in limbo in New Orleans with NO PLACE to live at the moment, and working on health insurance, do I need a to go see a doctor three times before he will write me a prescription ?  ( I am not saying this isn't how it should be, I am just frustrated).  I am running low on supplies ( yes, I could have planned better, but I wouldn't be living with my two gals out of a hotel if I could have planned better)  and need them soon---very very soon in fact.  I have been on the same meds for years so I know exactly what I need.  Why can't you just trust me doc?  If you don't it might be even worse since I won't have any insulin, then have that one on your conscious.

Pump Complications...

 Nine years ago I was introduced to a whole new way of dealing with my diabetes, a new way to have better control, and this was through an insulin pump.  I had never seen anything quite so fascinating in all my life.  A few years after that, I was introduced to a newer version of that pump and was blown away again.

 Technology has truly enhanced my life as a diabetic, and I feel certain that one day they will find a complete cure for diabetes (it feels like they are so close already). No one can deny how amazing advances in medicine have been.

So, I almost feel bad in doing a little spill about how I get frustrated with my pump!  I don't even know where to begin...

 Sometimes it isn't that fun having something connected to you ALL THE TIME.  It bulges out in everything you wear.  I am not all about fashion, but if someone is, there are ALOT of things to consider before getting started on an insulin pump...

 Every person in my family makes fun of me and how I hate having my sights (where the insulin is injected, kind of like an IV, and somehow everyone seems to have a magnetic connection to it as they always bump it) rubbed up against or bumped.  They have even done comedy routines involving my pump anecdotes as the humorous comedy relief.  When someone is sitting next to me, for example, and my pump is on the side of my leg and they rub up against it--I FREAK OUT!

 It is just a natural, unstoppable reaction when it gets nudged.  It doesn't do damage every time, or even hurt every time this happens.  I just have had it happen so often that I am jumpy.  Think about it...of course that area is sensitive.  There is a little catheter needle that is constantly delivering insulin to you...It is fascinating how a pump works!  It is hard to remember the days of five insulin  shots and more ups and downs since the insulin wasn't continuous, but I digress.

 I have been somewhere (like visiting with family) not close to my house when my pump gets nudged and is all bent so it is not working...This is previewed , of course, by a big "You are on my pump." ( It never ever fails that my bro's will come and slap the ONE leg that my pump is connected to---they don't try, I tell you, some magnetic component always draws them to the WRONG area of course!) .  This then follows with an, " I have to go, and NOW"  speech.

 Having complained enough (don't even get me started on battery going low in middle of night, or low reservoir, or being stopped at the airport, or sleeping at night tossing and turning getting wrapped in my pump, or scars of pump areas ---all other posts to come!)...I really do love my pump.  I can't imagine life without it!  It has changed my life.  And hey, at least I give my family something to joke about as well!  

Travelling with diabetes

 I remember the days when I could just run in a car, not think twice, and go anywhere I randomly decided to go, stay as long as I wanted and not look back... OH, those were the days....before kids!  WRONG! WRONG!

 I HAVE NEVER HAD ONE OF THOSE DAYS!  Being diabetic takes a LOT more planning than that...There is no random road trips (no surprises) on the adventure of life.  I remember actually planning, packing and starting out on a particular journey!  Got about 45 minutes into the drive when I realized I had left my diabetic meter behind.  WE HAD TO TURN BACK...can't live without the meter (even worse would be my insulin or pump---oh the horror!). 

 It's even more of elaborate planning when a long trip is involved.  I have to plan JUST HOW MUCH MEDICINE I will be taking with me.  I realize this isn't really THAT big of a deal, EVERYONE has something to do to a degree (however, if I forget diapers, I can just run to the store and get them).

 I should just be happy with what I do have.  I only bring this up cause I do remember random trips with old college friends in which they would call me up and say "Hey, let's go to Vegas this weekend, get in the car."  But, instead of just being easy going with it, I have to ask how long we are specifically going to be gone.  I have to know if there will be a place to keep my insulin cool and not freezing.  I think by the time I have everything packed to go with all my medicine, I have killed the buzz of the trip...It was just suppose to be a fun little escapade...

 Not to mention, I have learned to plan for the unknown as well.  Not only have I been on a trip, and my insulin broke, but during 9/11, I was so low on supplies, my supplies barely reached me when I needed them where I was staying in Chicago at the time!  Things like that tend to make you want to pack Extra--and lots!

 I was thinking about this today simply because we are planning a trip to the zoo today.  I have to plan my gals out, but also myself.  I have to pack enough "low food" (I can't stand paying what people ask at the zoo if I do get low), and make sure I have my medicine.  (The link for low food makes me laugh.  Really, glucose tabs?  They taste like what I envision CHALK would taste like---when I am low, that is my chance to get some yummy food (not that you can't ever have the yummy food--a common misconception people think) and walking around the zoo all day long tends to cause sugars to get lower than usual). 

 I am so grateful that meters today aren't what they were when I first was diagnosed with diabetes.  Not only are they half the size ( I am already bulky enough with my UHAUL Diaper bag), but they take half the time! 

 Hopefully it won't be too hot at the zoo today so my meter won't fry and not work (happens a LOT in the summer time).  Wish me luck...will keep you posted how this adventure turned out!

What are you looking at?

 Contrary to what others might think...I do NOT like being the center of attention , especially when it comes to my diabetes.  In fact, I would like to be the opposite and just have people go about their day not focusing on the fact that I have diabetes ( then why did I write a blog about it ---good question, I control the terms of it and I can pose the questions myself).

 When I was younger I didn't mind so much---every one of the kids in my class wanted to watch me test my blood --they were fascinated by it!  They wanted me to test their blood.

 Then, I got a little older and realized test strips are expensive.  I hate it when some random person just calls me, says they will pay me a buck if I can test their blood for them (they really don't get it--it isn't so much about the money, if  I RUN OUT of test strips people, before my insurance says I can get more, THEN I AM OUT---there is no begging for more...I have to wait to get some more or I get them out of pocket, or sometimes can't even do that.  So NO I can't test everyone's blood for you, that dollar won't begin to cut it.  Try going to the store and BUYING ONE TEST STRIP FOR A DOLLAR- GOOD LUCK!)

 And yet, everything I have written about still isn't what bothers me.  I was visiting family the other day and some "got word" that Jamie was going to test her blood.  All of a sudden, I had a few people around me , watching, waiting, counting down, anticipating me testing my blood.  I shouldn't get so bothered by it...I maybe should be flattered.  I think it might stem from uncertainty of my counts.  I don't want them publicized (again, if I am the one having control over them being public, different story).  I don't want my counts -IN THE MOMENT- to be a public concern.  I want to handle my own situation. 

 After I have tested my blood, assessed my own situation, I don't have problems talking with anyone about them.  Even my own husband I get "testy" with.  He will see me test my blood and ask me what my counts are.  I respond, very shortly "Why do you want to know?"

 He doesn't need that kind of response, he is just being nice, trying to help me out...Seeing what he can do to make it better.  Do I need to stop flattering myself and being so sensitive about it? Maybe.  Maybe not.  Maybe I just don't want people staring at me like I am a science project!  I don't know...So, please be understanding if I get snappy and ask WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?

Health care (insurance) and Diabetes

 Let me start off by saying I truly believe EVERY single person should have healthcare insurance, NO EXCUSE!  I don't think anyone needs a pre-existing condition or anything "WRONG" with them to think they need health care ( I say this, because before my husband met me he could care less about healthcare insurance and that blew me away---It is my life, I don't care that you are healthy, you should always be prepared).

 Having said that...I don't know how survival is possible without health insurance having diabetes -LITERALLY!  I still spend over $100 a month on diabetic supplies WITH insurance ( and we have pretty good coverage)-- imagine without! YIKES!

 There was a time in my life where my insurance was unbelievably amazing.  I was working in Arizona, and they covered 100% of my supplies.  It was really hard when we moved and had to start paying for stuff.  Such a shocker to the system. 

 Then, we found ourselves in job transitions ( and with this economy, of course something like that would happen), which means insurance transitions ( we were also in school, so that complicated things a bit).  And if you are diabetic, transferring insurance coverage when you have a pre-existing condition feels almost impossible!  That is a concept I never  understood--Why people who have pre-existing conditions, the people who need insurance MORE THAN ANYONE who doesn't have a condition ( again, I still think everyone should have it as I first stated, it is just obvious that people with conditions will be using it) struggle to get it.

 This topic is being debated among everyone; politicians, working class, everyone alike.  No one seems to be able to find a solution to the problem...And even in this post I don't have a solution to offer.  I don't think anything that has been presented to date has been working yet.  Why have we always had the people who need it be the ones without it?  Can someone answer that for me please?

 Also, we are now moving states so my husband can start medical school.  I will be at home with my children while he goes to school and the top concern is--you guessed it---HEALTH INSURANCE!  We can get some through his school for an arm and a leg, and they don't even let us do office visits , just use the school hospital, and barely cover medical supplies.  Almost feels better to not have insurance.

 Then, there is the other catch, that if I go without insurance for more than 30 days, than I can't get ANY insurance to cover my diabetes ( sometimes there is a waiting period for like 18 months before you can be covered, again, WHAT IS THE POINT if you have to wait that long?)

 Another option is doing Cobra from his work (which would cost over $1000 a month) and get minimal coverage in our new state and pay more out of pocket.  Whatever route we decide NOT having Health Insurance is NOT and option.

 So, we are at a crossroads.  I am stressed in ways I have never felt before trying to figure this out ( not to mention having insurance to cover my children's well baby visits which his SCHOOL insurance won't do--they need insurance as well).  I may have opened a can of worms by bringing this subject up, or also may have just frustrated myself more as there seems to be NO SOLUTION WHATSOEVER that anyone has come up with in the past (why would it be diff now).  So, I would like to hear what someone else has to offer or say about it cause at this point--I GOT NOTHING!

Where is it?

 Ok, the truth of the matter is, I misplace things all the time.  I drive my husband crazy with the many times I say something like "where did I put my keys?" Or "where is the diaper bag, I need something from it."  There is no reason for it, I just get distracting by something like my kids being cute and forget where I put things, or my brain goes somewhere else. Or maybe, I really am not that organized at all and never will be. 

  It is one thing to misplace your keys, or even your wallet for some matter...But when it is your meter (in our house we actually call it "momma's medicine-"--for some reason when we call it medicine, my daughter understands that we don't play with it, and it is JUST FOR MOMMA), or any kind of thing that has to do with helping your diabetes, it is just a whole other level. 

 This isn't something that just happened today or yesterday, it happens EVERY SINGLE DAY. Sometimes, more than once a day.  The worst is when you are feeling sick (either knowing you are hi or low and just need to know exactly how much so you can fix it, and fix it NOW).  (ps...the picture of the meter cracks me up, (that is my actual meter btw) the counts are ALWAYS perfect, as if that's what a diabetic is EVERY TIME they test their blood ---I don't know about fellow diabetics, but when I test my blood, I am ALWAYS 102 (yeah right)).

 What is truly great is that I have a very patient fam who always helps me find it.  Even my little 3 year old knows how to look for "mom's  medicine in her black case."  Even the times (and I mean time(s) with a big fat S) when we have been out of our house and lost it.

 One time several years ago I was in Chicago and we went out to Giordanos.  Our group was walking all over town when I realized my meter was missing?  Our whole group split up and backtracked all over the city, and we luckily found it back at the restaurant ( I still feel bad for making our day end early for our little hunt to begin).

 Another favorite is when I was 14 years old and I was at Classic Roller Skating and Slides.  I hid my meter in my towel ( everyone lays their towels on the grass) .  I come to look for it (back then, I put everything in my meter, my money, my id's and EVERYTHING), and it is GONE. Now I know it was there. I tell a manager, and LONG STORY SHORT---someone had stolen it! 

 I actually laughed--and hard.  What a surprise they are about to get when they open it up and find medicine they can't use!  What a disappointment.  We actually ended up finding the thief, and he had it open and had a look of shock on his face.  So funny to me!

 I think it is funny that I am even posting about how upset I get about losing my meter cause years ago (child and teenage years) I would give anything to lose my meter.  I didn't care about testing my blood (it actually did take a lot longer and a much bigger process instead of just five seconds--in fact, when we first found a meter that did it in 30 seconds by just pricking your finger and putting it in, I thought I was in heaven).

 I have since learned the importance of testing your blood, and come to appreciate the leaps forward in technology with this.  It really does make life simpler.  I mean, nowadays, you can actually have your insulin just connected to you (my pump) instead of several injections ( I still have FUN times with that one every day---another post another day).  So I will leave this post on a positive note of gratitude for all those people in my life who have helped me look for me meter!  Some of you have devoted several hours of your life to this task and I appreciate it!

Can't I just have one NORMAL DAY?

 I can't believe that is the title of my post cause I hate that word NORMAL ( I think it is all relative).  But, anyway...Today I woke up and was feeling really really dizzy and confused.  Well, after 24 years of dealing with different types of feelings in the morning, I could chalk it up to either being sleep deprived, or more likely that my blood sugars were too low.  So, I tested my blood (gotta love technology allowing me to do it in 5 seconds...when I first got diabetes it was three minutes and a whole, swipe blood, put in and swipe again kind of thing--Another day story), and did find out, in fact, that I was 45. 

 --Let me just pause for a second to clear up the COMMON MISCONCEPTION that diabetics cannot get low blood sugars or ever eat any sugar at all!  For some reason this is one of my diabetic pet peeves (I have quite a few of those that will unravel throughout different posts, among them are people assuming I have type 2 diabetes, and also people thinking I don't take care of myself when they HAVE NO CLUE).  People with diabetes can in fact, and often have low blood sugars (I usually just say I am having a "reaction" and people know what I mean) .  And it isn't as simple as saying they don't have control of their diabetes (another pet peeve of mine--whenever your blood glucose isn't in the PERFECT range, people call you out of control or say you can't handle it---ANY diabetic will testify that sometimes the boxes we are suppose to be put in are hilarious--you will jump in and out of them on occasion and that doesn't mean anything is wrong with you).  When a diabetic does get low, they must eat something to rectify that and help them get back to the "normal" range--and yes, sometimes that MIGHT be some sugar if that is what is available--so GET OVER IT if you see a diabetic eating sugar.  YOU MIGHT NOT KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON!

 --Back to my morning--

 Enough experience of this has shown me that morning lows are the HARDEST for me the weirdest.  There is no medical description of why that might be, just my own thoughts (and no one knows your body better than yourself). 

 I think they are hard cause I am still sleepy.  Sometimes I have been low in the morning just coming out of a dream,and, like anyone, your brain is slow to determine it is awake sometimes...or even to realize you aren't in a dream.  These times my dreams have been so real it has been scary.  When this has happened, I truly have a hard time distinguishing what is real and what isn't (in the past I dreamt I had eight arms, and woke up low and really FELT my eight arms, no one could tell me they weren't there).

 Thankfully, in those really scary moment, I have had people around to help me.  Today was not one of those days in which someone else needed to help me. 

 I simply ran downstairs and found a granola bar to eat quickly (another thing that is hard about morning lows, as many people who have lived with me can attest is since you aren't thinking clearly, you just grab whatever you see--I have had friends come down in the morning and see every cupboard open and say "You got low this morning didn't you?"), and shove it in my mouth.

 All I want to do is go back to sleep and get even a few more minutes...But, I not only have to wait until my counts are normal, but once again---I hear the familiar "Mommy, Mommy."  Oh well, there is nothing more beautiful than that! One of these days I will write something other than what is happening in my mornings--I promise.

 Just today, with your morning starting wrong, already being tired, and waking up early ( I am one of the few blessed people who can wake up from being low---others don't tend to be as lucky as me--not sure why I can though, probably cause I really never sleep in the night), but to add I get wiped out from being low (and diabetes in general can just cause fatigue), and can be wiped out the rest of the day...I thought writing about it would help my day get better and start my day off better...So on to my day...

I really have to pee!!

 One of the constant needs/struggles of having diabetes is the urgency and frequency of needing to PEE (my mom would prefer me to say go WET, but I will stick to pee). There are many reason for this occurrence.  Not only do blood sugars affect this, but diabetics (especially women) tend to get more UTI's than the average woman and this also causes frequent urination (don't even get me started on being prego with diabetes (another frequent urination booster)--multiply what other women say about peeing by 5-another topic for another day)

 To be completely honest, I don't remember the last time IN MY LIFE (since having diabetes) that I have slept through the night ( and I have not had bad blood sugars my whole life).  This is just something that has become a part of my constant struggle.

 By struggle I not only mean that diabetes itself can make someone really tired (still trying to explain that one to my husband), but add to that not ever sleeping through the night...then you are really tired!

--MY NIGHT LAST NIGHT--
  Take, for example, my night last night. 

 I have a 3 year old and a 4 month old baby.  My baby is pretty good at sleeping for long periods of time.  My toddler will sleep, unless she hears that someone might be stirring then she wants to get up and join in the good times.

 Last night I went to bed late.  About 2 hours later, I really really had to pee---It was about 3 in the morning. So, I slither out of my bed and creep into our bathroom.  I test my blood to find everything ok, pee and go back to bed.

 I struggle getting back to sleep since I was concentrating so hard on being quiet that my mind is now racing...I eventually fall back asleep when another 3 hours pass and I have to pee again.  This time, I know the consequences of me getting out of bed.  My toddler will, in fact, hear me (I am certain) if I choose to pee and then my day will begin prematurely, rendering me completely exhausted (typical) for the day. 

 So, instead of risking it and getting out of bed, I sit in bed and hold it... I keep holding it.  An hour goes by and I can't take it anymore---I MUST PEE!  So, I do my ritual of sneaking out of bed and tiptoe to the bathroom...I test my  blood, I think I have made it when---"MOMMY. YOU AWAKE?"  Comes from the other room.

 Dangit--I almost made it!  Until tomorrow---maybe we can just meet at the bathroom in the morning...

Doctor says I am "SWEET."

 How it all began---

 --I was 6 years old and I will never forget--That was the year that changed my life forever!  I have type 1 diabetes, and here is my story....

                                                                      --Pre-Diagnosis--
 --I started out living a pretty normal life like any other child...Nothing to worry about, and I could do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted (as long as my parents thought it was ok of course), and EAT what I WANTED! 

 One summer day, I came down with some form of the flu.  I was in bed being sick for a week.  After my little "spout" it felt like my body was different.  I was so hungry, so very very hungry all the time...People would watch me eat and say I sure ate alot for a 6 year old, rivaling my dad who was a BIG EATER (he now has type 2 diabetes).

 My mom was so upset because I was ALWAYS using the bathroom, it seemed like that was all I ever was doing really.  I barely slept cause I was using the bathroom ALL night long.  I almost got afraid to tell people when I had to go, cause I knew they were talking about it.

 I never noticed this one myself, but my mother relates to me that everyone said I was very thin--especially for a girl who ate so much, it seemed like I was losing weight.  My mom didn't seem to notice and chalked it up to good metabolism (if only).

  It was nearing the end of July and my family wanted to  hike Mt. Timpanogas with all of our relatives.  I remember being very very very thirsty and very very very tired.  I didn't understand why I couldn't really keep up with all of the other kids.

                      --Deciding there was a problem & diagnosis---
   most of this is from my mom's perspective of what she told me, but I will relate m own vivid memories

 My Aunt was a nurse and pulled my mom aside and told her I looked sickly and bad and needed to be checked out!  My mom didn't really want to think that anything was wrong with her daughter, but thought that at least she could take me in to my dad's lab (my dad is a medical technologist and did a LOT of blood work). 

 All I remember is my daddy drew my blood because they thought I was sick ...I had no clue what was going on, just did what I was told.

 I remember it was the middle of the day and I was in the bathtub getting clean and ready for a parade my mom had promised me, when I heard the phone ring.  I don't know what happened, but I heard my mom scream and yell "get Jamie out of the bathtub."

 From this point, I just remember being yanked out of the tub, hearing a prayer or two and being whisked in a car (later on in life I learn that my dad had called my mom and said to rush me to the hospital since my blood glucose level was 755).

 Everything was a rush of a blur for me from that point.  There just seemed like so much was happening and so many people around me and I didn't understand what was going on.  The next thing I remember was a doctor coming in and telling me that I had something called DIE---A- BEEE--Tees!

 All I heard was the word DIE!  I was really confused.  Am I going to die?  The next thing I know I am being put in a hospital gown, hooked up to some machine.  Later, who knows how long, I remember they say I can eat and they will bring me some food.  It just happened to be FISH.  I was thinking " Fish is not my favorite food, and that's what they are giving me to eat as my last meal ( I really did think this and to this day I won't eat FISH).

 I stayed in the hospital for a week being trained on how much my life was going to change.  Being taught to test my blood, recognize when I had low blood sugars, and that I was just going to live a completely different life from now on.  Told over and over again that I was still me and nothing had changed, I just had to be responsible.


                            --Moving on....Why I am starting this blog--

That was a week before my 7th birthday.  I am now 2 months from my 31st birthday.  I am married and I have 2 children and would love to have some more.  That day 24 years ago truly changed my life forever.  There have been times where I have let diabetes control my life and get me down, and other times where I truly have seen a blessing in disguise.

 Living with diabetes has not been easy, not at all...It also has not been that horrible.  It just is a life adjustment, a change, and alot of love, patience and understanding from me and from those who encircle my life.  There have been many trial and errors along this path.

 The truth is, like any life threatening disease ( and I am not even going to pretend that this is the hardest thing anyone can have and there aren't far worse things out there, there are plenty!), it cannot be ignored and changes how you run your day and your life.  It makes you view things differently.

 I have learned that there is a LOT of life to live.  One thing that inspired me as a child was finding a fellow diabetic who had five children of her own.  It gave me hope that diabetes wouldn't stop me from living my dreams and getting all my desires (yes, I may have to work a little harder for them and go about them in a different way, but I can still do it).

 That is how I started this blog...I want to use it as an outlet mainly for myself, and hopefully for some others to show how to get what I want out of life with diabetes, and maybe not only give myself a pat on the back and a boost, but hopefully another as well.

 I might do some venting of my own as I start on this adventure, but that is part of the personality of this blog.  Get out of the system.  I invite you to read along with me, and comment openly with ANY words of encouragement, suggestions, or anything someone has to offer!