What are you looking at?

 Contrary to what others might think...I do NOT like being the center of attention , especially when it comes to my diabetes.  In fact, I would like to be the opposite and just have people go about their day not focusing on the fact that I have diabetes ( then why did I write a blog about it ---good question, I control the terms of it and I can pose the questions myself).

 When I was younger I didn't mind so much---every one of the kids in my class wanted to watch me test my blood --they were fascinated by it!  They wanted me to test their blood.

 Then, I got a little older and realized test strips are expensive.  I hate it when some random person just calls me, says they will pay me a buck if I can test their blood for them (they really don't get it--it isn't so much about the money, if  I RUN OUT of test strips people, before my insurance says I can get more, THEN I AM OUT---there is no begging for more...I have to wait to get some more or I get them out of pocket, or sometimes can't even do that.  So NO I can't test everyone's blood for you, that dollar won't begin to cut it.  Try going to the store and BUYING ONE TEST STRIP FOR A DOLLAR- GOOD LUCK!)

 And yet, everything I have written about still isn't what bothers me.  I was visiting family the other day and some "got word" that Jamie was going to test her blood.  All of a sudden, I had a few people around me , watching, waiting, counting down, anticipating me testing my blood.  I shouldn't get so bothered by it...I maybe should be flattered.  I think it might stem from uncertainty of my counts.  I don't want them publicized (again, if I am the one having control over them being public, different story).  I don't want my counts -IN THE MOMENT- to be a public concern.  I want to handle my own situation. 

 After I have tested my blood, assessed my own situation, I don't have problems talking with anyone about them.  Even my own husband I get "testy" with.  He will see me test my blood and ask me what my counts are.  I respond, very shortly "Why do you want to know?"

 He doesn't need that kind of response, he is just being nice, trying to help me out...Seeing what he can do to make it better.  Do I need to stop flattering myself and being so sensitive about it? Maybe.  Maybe not.  Maybe I just don't want people staring at me like I am a science project!  I don't know...So, please be understanding if I get snappy and ask WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?