Sometimes I get tired of ignorance and having to explain things to people. Sometimes I think it would be easier to just hand someone a pamphlet on the spot as they are looking at what you are doing and telling you what you can or cannot do. I rarely listen anymore, unless it is a fellow diabetic cause I don't think people get it. Now just going around wearing this shirt all the time makes me smile, and laugh. I will talk with you about my diabetes, so the BACK OFF isn't aimed at the need to communicate. The BACK OFF is aimed at the "Don't tell me things you don't know. I live with the disease, it is on my mind 24/7, more than I could even begin to explain to you...so yeah, Back OFF. It may not look like I know what I am doing sometimes or even care, but I do, believe me I do."
I never drink soda. It just was never my thing...I don't drink much other than water actually. For me, I found that counting the carbs for a piece of cake was easier than figuring out juices and soda. Plus, I just really never liked the taste. Juice reminded me of being low.
So, when I walk into a gas station the other day trying to get some cash and I get a Diet Coke and wait in line and the cashier says to me " you are diabetic?" To which I respond " what? Oh, my pump? Yeah I am diabetic." I get excited usually when people ask cause then it makes me think they might know a thing or two or might be diabetic themselves.
She then said "You know, you really shouldn't be having soda as a diabetic."
I ALMOST DIED AND ALMOST HIT HER RIGHT THERE!
I then said, as if I even had to explain it to her "Well, it's diet and I don't even have to bolus for it." She then replied "Well, it's your life, my mom has diabetes and complications and I just worry."
I was not angry, I was sad. Sad that her mom has complications. Sad that she thought that me having a DIET soda for the first time in a year would ruin my life. Sad that others thought this same thing. Sad that it made me realize once again how much people really don't get diabetes, even the ones closest to you sometimes.
It is always at the forefront of my mind. It will never go away. I wake up in the night to pee and test my blood. I have to always do extra packing and thinking before going on a trip to make sure I am prepared (bag trip, just taking kids to the zoo). Yes I ate a cookie last night. Yes it looked to others like I didn't think twice about it but the entire time I was doing a mental calculation of the carbs in my head, and bolusing for it, and even later I was rethinking if I was right. I always worry about complications, but I don't always want to discuss it with you. Believe me, I am aware. The complications of diabetes have been shoved down my face since I was 7. I appreciate your concern which is why I am not Mad but sad.
And also why I am now going to purchase what might be my new favorite shirt.....and why I am going to try more than ever to update this blog if not for anyone but myself so I can feel like I put it out there and opened up some kind of communication even if its just with those closest to me so you can see into my world and understand just a little bit more...
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